2. The Pier

It had been a dream of his, one that he had never ever acknowledged. But it came back to him whenever he felt sad, or lonely, unsure or confused. Elisa, straddling his lap, his bare chest against the smooth softness of her, whispering love and future, beginnings and hope. In the dream he would let it ride, never tried to wake from it. He would grasp at the dream, trying to hold on and keep it real, until reality cleared the selfish allowance of sleep and he was forced to deal with the guilt of having made love to his best friends wife in his mind.

There was a danger in it, in wanting someone he couldn't have. He knew it. understood that he wasn't privvy to her flaws, wouldn't know what living with her really was. Therefore, he dream would be the perfect her and she would only fall short. But, then again, it didn't matter because she was married. The simple truth was, he would never, ever feel her, taste, her, love her. And the deeper truth was that he felt dead ass wrong for thinking on it in the first place.

So now, they sat on a bench at the harbor, people watching, but ignoring the world all the same. Mark glanced down at Elisa, wondered what she was thinking. Her husband, no doubt. I'm sitting here thinking about someone who doesn't even want me in that away. I couldn't be more pathetic. Damnit!

He glanced away, watching the many couples around them, braving the chill in the air to get in these last few moments at the harbor. It's not like I don't have women. Hell, that's not a problem at all. The problem I have is trying to get these chicks to leave me alone. And I am sitting up here trippin. I don't want to be nobodies rebound, aint's trying to caught in the middle of no love games.

ELisa looked up at him, smiled, leaned into him.

"I love it here. I love all the people, the water, the birds, everything."

Mark eyed the seagulls with distaste. If he could get his hands on a Bebe gun, it would be over for these flying rats.

"So, aren't you going to ask?"

"Ask what?"

"I don't know, I just thought you were going to want more details. Especially about your boy."

"Naw. I know him well. Not much that needs to be said."

"Men. Don't talk much but hang together all the time."

"Yeah, don't talk about nothin real."

"SO, the woman. SHe is someone from undergrad, you know."

That caught his interest. "Who?"

"I don't know. Her name is Michelle. I didn't know her."

"Michelle, michelle...naw, I don't know." He lied. Michelle was Anthony'sbiggest freak, his most reliable, dependable, do you how you want to be done, girlfriends. No wonder he left Elisa. He done went and got turned out. Again.

"Your lying. I can tell."

"What?"

"You know her. Your lying."

"No I aint'."

"Mark, whenever you lie you start clenching your teeth. You started is soon as I said her name." She paused, kicking at a pebble with her feet. "So, she's all that, huh?"

"No." Mark said it clear, he didn't not want to leave a doubt. "No, she is one dimensional. There's thousands of woman that can work it like her. Doesn't explain his actions."

"I guess."

"Lisa, listen, you didn't do anything wrong. This is not your problem. Anthony will see his error, he will come around."

"Im not taking him back."

"Why?"

"I dunno." They sat there, watching the water lap over the side of the pier. "I am done with hi, with this life. I am going to be single and figure out how to be with myself, before committing to someone else."

"Aw, the black women mantra. Its what they all way, but does it work. Hell naw. They want to get them a man."

"I guess. I want a man too, but I don't have to look for any one new. The one I want has always been right there."

Mark looked down at her, catching her eye. Did she know, or was she referring to someone else?

"Really?" he asked nonchalantly, wondering how far she would go.

"Really." She answered, settling back into the crook of his arm, falling silent as she dazed out over the water.

Mark didn't have the nerve to press the matter, so they continued to sit in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

Wanting ELisa

Mark sighed as he stepped out of the shower. He didn't want to go over there. Not really. How much can a person take? But he had no choice, they were expecting him. Actually, they were looking forward to seeing him. That's what she had said on the message. Her honey toned voice oozed through his headset, immediately turning him on. He had snatched out the headset, disconnected the phone. Had to wait until he returned to his empty apartment, in the middle of the night, to play the message.

Even now he felt embarrassment that she had him so easy. Someone who had no clue that he had any feelings for her at all. The whole thing is ridiculous. But deep down there was nothing ridiculous about it, not really. So he avoided them, made up excuses to miss family gatherings and social events. Kept in touch by telephone, but always just missing them in person.

Flipping absentmindedly through his closet, he wondered whether she ever knew, ever had any idea. He wasn't even her friend. Not really. They had become close by default, after she had swept his best friend Anthony off his feet. He and Anthony were sworn players for life. They enjoyed the club scene, the party scene, the loose women and no obligation of bachelorhood. he and Anthony had been tight since undergrad, where they had perfected single life into an art.

But then he met Elisa. Mark shook his head, remembering how Anthony disappeared, couldn't be found, then began to lie about his whereabouts. Mark laughed out loud. That fool was lying about being in a relationship. That's how stupid we were. Mark had to admit he felt skeptical. Out of the two of them, Anthony had much less patience for relationship, and much more desire for the new and exotic. He dated all types of women, all the time. Mark wouldn't believe for a second that any one woman would tie Anthony down.

But Elisa can do that to a brotha. He still hadn't put his finger on it, couldn't figure out why she was so special. She just was. In a crowded room, she wouldn't stand out based on beauty. Not at all. She was simple. Pretty, clean looking. Not a glamor queen. But when she speaks to you, she just pulls you in. Somehow, you believe, in that instant, that you are the most important, most intelligent man in the world. Maybe that's it. Maybe I just have a crush cause she pays so much attention.

Imagine that, a grown man with a crush. Shaking his head, he finished dressing in jeans and a button down shirt. Her message had said come casual. His birthday was the following Monday, he felt sure this would be some sort of surprise celebration. Plus, he wanted to look good, just cause. As he headed toward the door his phone rang. Placing the headset on, he snatched a cap off the rack, checked for his keys, and walked out the apartment.

"Hello."

"Hey, Mark. What's up?"

His mind went blank for a minute, he couldn't locate the voice.

"Nothing, what's up with you?" Maybe if I just play along I can figure it out.

"Are we still on for tonight?"

Alexa. Damn, I forgot about her. "Yeah, what did you have in mind."

"I don't know, why don't we just chill. Maybe at your place?"

"Naw, I haven't cleaned up or anything." Alexa wasn't high enough on his list to chill at his apartment, that spot remained reserved for those women who proved that they understood how to be discreet. He wouldn't live the life of crazy women stalking his apartment or trying to destroy his car. No, that lesson had been learned in his 20's.

"Well, why don't you come over here? I can cook dinner for you or something..."

Mark slid into the driver seat of his car. He didn't know what he would feel like after an afternoon chilling with Anthony. With Elisa.

"You know, I probably won't be hungry, I got a thing this afternoon. So, uhm, can I call you later, around 8 or 9?"

Silence. Thick hesitation. "Sure," she said huskily.

She better get it together better than that or I'm going to put an end to this before it starts. I don't even know this chick and she laying claim to my time? Already?

"Alright then." He knew he sounded distant, but he was ready to end the call. He had other things to think about.

"Alright, well I can get VIP passes to Heaven, so call before 10 if you want to hit the club instead."

VIP passes. Childish. He got into VIP without the passes already. "Yeah, well, I'll let you know."

"Alright, talk to you later, then?"

"Definitely."

Mark drove slowly to Anthony's house. He had to get over this. It was ridiculous and the more time he spent away, the worse it felt. Better to just look this thing in the eye and deal with it. The guilt he felt covered so many levels. What type of scoundrel even considered his friends wife in that way? What type of person was he to sit in the man's house, eat his food, and fantasize about his wife? Then, why would he waste his time and energy feeling this for a women he could never have, when there were so many other women available.

Sighing again, he pulled into the driveway of the house. No other cars. Good. At least this wasn't a surprise party. He hated them. He walked around to the back of the house and tapped at the rear door. No answer. He tapped again, his tension slowly releasing. Maybe he had been lucky enough to miss them again.

The door cracked open, he could just make out Elisa's body.

"Mark, I didn't know who it was," she breathed, opening the door wider. Her hair laid in its normal bob, she wore the standard velour jogging suit that every women seemed to own. The zipper stopped just at her breasts, barely covering them. She musta threw the jacket on when she heard me at the door. She seemed distracted, but, as usual she smiled intimately as she reached out and hugged him. In that split second, her smell overwhelmed him and he stopped breathing. He didn't want to do anything inappropriate and became so caught up in fighting himself, he left his hands hanging limply at his sides. She didn't seem to notice.

"It so good to see you, come on in." She stepped back into the kitchen, and he followed, his head bowed. Get it together, idiot.

"You want something to drink?"

"Yeah, anything is fine."

"Good, soda ok? I haven't gone to the store."

"Sure." He observed the kitchen. Normally spotless, papers were laid out all over the counter. She had obviously been digging through old papers, looking for something. "So, what's up?"

"Huh?" Her face was blank.

"Isn't today the day you guys wanted me to come over."

She placed the glass on the counter, staring at him. "Huh?"

"Lisa, didn't you leave me a message to come by today."

She shook her head, like she was trying to clear it. "Oh my God, I forgot. Wine and cheese. We were going to have a small get together. Just you, me, him, Lana...."

Mark turned her his head at the mention of Lana. Elisa kept trying to hook them up and had no idea that the hook up had already happened and proved to be a disaster. All he thought was "Elisa's friend" when he looked at her.

"Well what happened."

"Makes sense," she handed him the drink, mumbling to herself. "I told Lana what happened, she and Anthony both would know. Forgot to call you...."

"Lisa, what's going on?"

She snapped out of her reverie, glancing up at him. She stared into his eyes for a few silent seconds, Mark's heart felt as though it would explode. Then she smiled, but the smile seemed so sad.

"Anthony and I are over."

"What?"

"He left. Or I put him out. However, he tells it. It still amounts to him not wanting me, me not realizing it, his girlfriend explaining it clearly."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Is that why you haven't been around, lately? Did you know?"She asked it simply, without judgement, and Mark knew that she wouldn't blame him in any way, that she just wanted to know.

"No, in all honesty, I didn't."

"Well, there it is."

Mark sank down on the stool at the kitchen island.

"When?"

"Few days ago. Right after I called you. I came in from work, they were here. In my house."

Mark shook his head. He didn't know what to day, whether he should speak up for his friend, or attempt to console her. He was at a loss.

"Are you alright?" Stupid question.

"No."

They sat in silence for several minutes, Mark staring at the counter top, Elisa staring into space. He wanted to hold her, at least, give her some support for all the years she had been there for him.

"Where," He cleared his throat. "Where is he?"

"Got his own apartment. Already had it. Apparently, that where they hook up."

"So, are ya'll goin to try to work it out."

"Mark, baby, you aren't listening. He doesn't want me. There is nothing to work out. He said he is in love. For the first time, ever. Said he didn't know it until he met this chick."

"Who?"

"Don't know her. Some client he met on a business thing..."

She jumped up and started sorting through the papers again, moving quickly about the kitchen. She organized the papers into a pile, then took out the broom.

"So, how are you?" she swept furious, her back to him. He felt sure she was hiding tears.

The forced effort, her attempt at normalcy in the huge empty house, made Mark furious. What in the hell is Anthony thinking.

"Lisa, put the broom down for a second."

"Mark, I'm alright. Really."

He moved quietly behind her. Her pain felt like a sharp dagger, stabbing him repeatedly. He reached around her and grasped the broom firmly. She stood still, her head bowed. Releasing the broom, he listened to it loudly clatter against the tile floor. They both stood still for several seconds.

"Lisa, look at me."

She shook her head "no." He bent bent down slowly, carefully, and embracing her from behind, cradling her in his arms. They had known each other for years, had shared the same space. She had spent the night at his place and vice versa, when, for whatever reason, they couldn't get home. Despite his forbidden love, they had been friends. Close friends. A friendship separate and apart from Anthony. It had taken a while to development, but there was nothing that he wouldn't do for her as a friend. Now, he placed aside all his selfish intent and attempted to console her as a friend would do.

They stood for what felt like a spilt second and an eternity at the same time. His arms wrapped around her, she felt so good to him, so right. He held on while her body shook as she softly sobbed in his arms. He knew, without asking, that this was probably the first time she had really cried since Anthony left. That's how she was. She's probably been cleaning and keeping busy, not processing any of it.

Mark eventually turned her around, slowly, lifting her chin with his finger. What he saw in her eyes made his heart hurt. All this. For a second he envied Anthony, that a woman like Elisa loved him that deeply. Her face covered in tears, which rolled down her cheeks and splashed against her chest. Mark wiped her face gently with the back of his hand, then her in his arms, pulling her frame into his broad chest, resting her head on his chest.

After a few minutes Elisa let go, stepping back.

"Mark, the last thing I wanted to is burden you with this. With your birthday coming up and all...."

"Lisa, please. I don't even want to hear that. You could never be a burden."

She smiled, the smile that always warmed his heart. She held his hand between both of hers, looking at the floor. "Do you mind hanging out, for a little bit?"

"Absolutely not."

"Cool, I....I miss having someone around, you know?"

Mark nodded. He knew more than he would ever admit. His lifestyle was getting old. He was lonely. He wanted to know what it felt to have someone around too.

"Listen, let me take you out. Get out of here, get your mind off of things?"

She nodded. "Let's go." she headed to the door, without reaching for her purse or keys. "I need to get away from here."

Mark followed slowly, thankful for the opportunity to be alone with her on his own terms, but dreading the secret desires that inflamed his heart.